Agent 42 had been thrilled to be assigned that agent number. Imagine him … Ahlahwishuss Ahlphahns, whose very title was the answer to ‘life, the universe, and everything.’ This, of course, must make him more important then Zee Bee. Agent 42 was lucky to be bi-cranial, for by dividing the swelling that one head would do, into two, saved that single swelled head from popping from the strain.
Before becoming an Agent, he’d spent years in front of his Wii-Station 360, and his mothers would tag team coming down to the basement and say, “Why can’t you be more like that Beeblebrox boy? He’s from your secondary school. Nobody ever thought he’d amount to anything but a convict but, he became the President of the Galaxy. You could be President, if you applied yourself a little.” And so on and so forth ad nauseum. Living with all four moms made life nigh unbearable.
Then came that fateful day, when Zaphod stole the Heart of Gold. His second mother had taken him to see the ‘historic’ launching of that ship.
Zaphod’s popularity fell below that of a seasick Vogon that day. And how did he cheer that day, knowing he’d never have to hear that diatribe again. He cheered until he was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.
A humanoid alien, much like the ones from the now non-existent, Betelgeuse Seven was standing there. The alien asked Ahlahwishuss, “Am I too late then?” Who, after noticing the rather largish hand canon that this guy was carrying; nodded his heads (out of sync), affirmatively. Then, much to the alien’s surprise, Ahl grabs the alien by the shoulders.
“Are you gonna kill him? Can I come?”
A little confused by the native’s statement, the stranger responds, “Do you … know … the President?”
Ummm … yes?” Ahl responds nervously, wondering if he answered correctly. “We went to secondary school together.”
Shrugging off Ahl’s hands on his shoulders, and then gesturing broadly, “Will you forsake all of this, for him?” The uni-headed alien asks the two-headed one before him.
With neither head pausing to consider, both respond enthusiastically, “Yes! Yes! Anything!”
Without another word, the stranger pushes some buttons on a wrist device; then puts a hand on Ahl. With a sickening lurch … they were gone; and Ahl without his towel.
Flash forward to today …
Agent 42’s wrist comm. Beeps, with a small flashing light. Pressing the lit button, “Agent 42”, he states.
“Agent 42, report to the Reality Engine Room”, comes the voice through the comm.
“Understood’, he responds, and then runs off to the R.E.R.
Agent 153 is there to greet Agent 42 at the R.E.R. Also in this room are several technicians/engineers at various work stations.
“Agent 42, you’ve been granted a special mission, by the Commander himself. He has placed you into ‘Project ZeeBee’.”
Ahl's four eyes light up, and he practically quivers with excitement. That is, until Agent 153 holds out a ray-gun looking device, with hip holster.
“Here is the stunner, which you’re to use, to capture him.” Seeing the Betelguesian’s deflated expression. “The Commander’s orders are for you to take him … alive.” After letting that sink in, he continues, “Your image inducer has been updated, to be able to simulate clothing appropriate to your target destination. The universal language of Earthlings has been downloaded to your translator as well. Do not fail Agent 42.”
Strapping on the stunner, Agent 42 salutes and replies, “You can count on me.” He then walks over to the Reality Alignment Chamber; passing through a variety of medical/diagnostic scanners, as he approaches. After entering the R.A.C., there is a brief pause, and then a dramatic burst of light and sound; for a finale there's an empty chamber.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
"The Further Adventures of Zaphod Beeblebrox": Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
"The Further Adventures of Zaphod Beeblebrox" Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Zaphod Beeblebrox, the former intergalactic president, goes hurtling through time and inter-dimensional space; in the Heart of Gold. This craft was stolen by him, in what became his last act as President. His actions do not go un-noticed.
Timebase Omega-Alpha, is a technological marvel of super-science. Somehow, for all of it’s reinforced vibranium construction, it still manages to have an organic look to it. Like being on the insides of a giant construct of a beast.
An imposing figure stands in a room, in which the walls are covered in monitor screens; like a psychedelic nightmare. The displays of these monitors flicker and flash with such sanity bending intensity, that there are only three known species in all the multiverse, that can withstand it. Those three species being: the small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri, teenage humans, and the Commander. All others must wear special eye-shields simply in order to enter the room, and not go into seizures.
Into this room enters something that resembles a tall, slender, uniformed, eye-shielded, bi-pedal … carrot. He (?) stops a short distance from the Commander and salutes. Without turning to face this alien, the Commander says, “Yes Agent 153, what do you have to report?”
Agent 153 responds nervously, “B-b-beeblebrox has become active again … Commander.”
The Commander slowly turns to face the nervous Agent. “What did you say Agent?” His left eye twitches, nearly imperceptibly, behind it's monocle
Agent 153, looking very much like it’s looking down the maw of a ravenous rabbit, says, “The Improbability Drive tripped an alarm, down at the ZeeBee Taskforce's surveillance station.” The talking carrot pauses, gathering his resolve, “He’s enroute to Gemini Earth, in the Bakshi universe.
“Hrmmm … “, the Commander ponders. “A realm of faeries, mutants and death machines.” He scowls, considering what chaos the ex-Galactic President, may have in mind.
“Commander? What should we do about him?”
“That ship is beyond even our technology.” He says more to himself, then to the nervous agent. Then, smiling a sharkish grin, the Commander responds, “Send out Agent 42, to welcome Mr. Beeblebrox to Earth.”
“Yes Commanderrr … umm … sir?”
“Yes Agent, you are correct, Agent 42 is another Betelguesian.” The Commander says, knowing what the agent was thinking. “Tell him that I want Beeblebrox … alive. We must know how that ship works.”
“Yes Commander,” Agent 153 says, before scurrying away.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Further Adventures of Zaphod Beeblebrox
Author's note. I've started a story, that tells of Zaphod Beeblebrox's continued hijinx after Mostly Harmless. This was written before "And Another Thing ..." was published, and doesn't include that tale.
Most of the major characters in this don't belong to me. Topics and characters are based on &/or borrowed from:
Adams, Douglas. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. 1979
Bakshi, Ralph. Wizards. 1977
The Smiling Shadow. How it Should Always Be. 2005
'Porkshanks' VonFriedrich, Molly. The Chrono Corps. 2008
That said, I give you Chapter One of,
Ah ... his favorite part; where he kisses the girl. Their lips reach hungrily for each other, when the screen fades to black. *Battery Low* appears across his vision, in large, unfriendly letters.
“Shazbot!” and then from the right, “Double shazbot!” One hand and then another reach up and remove a pair of VR goggles; first from one head, and then the other. While this went on, a third hand reaches out, to disengage the life support. Not that he needed life support. It’s just that using it just meant that he wouldn't have to emerge from his, “How it Should Always Be” simulation for unimportant things; such as eating or relieving himself.
The single eye of his right head, the other one being covered by an eye patch, with the assist of one hand; searches through the bottles to his right. Searching in vain for one that may have some booze still lingering about, and preferably some of that Romulan 'stuff'. The other head and the remaining two arms are themselves busy. They're riffling through boxes, also in vain, looking for more batteries. Frustrated at finding none of the things that he was seeking; Zaphod clumsily gets up. The process of this sends bottles and empty battery boxes, crashing to the floor.
“Computer!” he calls out.
“Hi there! This is Eddie ...” an analog voice responds.
“Can it!” he says, cutting off the overly chipper computerized voice. “Are there any more batteries on board?”
“Mr. Zaphod sir, the last time you asked me that, I told you that you were holding the last case.”
“No you didn't.” He replies, even though he can't remember if the ship said that or not.
“I'm quite sure I did sir.”
A door slides open, letting Zaphod out into a corridor, and closes behind him, with a satisfied hum. While the right head ponders how a door can seem satisfied, at opening and closing; the left one says, “Well then, warp factor 10, to the planet of batteries.”
“Ummm ...” Eddie replies.
“Now what?”
“Well ...” Eddie continues, “you see ... I don't know what warp factor 10 is and ...“
Zaphod interrupts again, “That means get moving at top speed.” The right head chimes in with, “Too the nearest planet that's likely to have a surplus of transportable power supplies.”
“Yeah,” responds the left head, “what he said.”
“We're so smart,” they say in unison, to each other, as they start walking down the corridor.
If a computer could sigh, then that's the sound Eddie makes, before saying, “Engaging probability drive, with a destination probability of 1,000,000 to one against getting to where you wanted.”
“Good. Now where's the booze to brighten up this trip?” Zaphod says, as the door to the bridge closes cheerily behind him.
“You don't want to know ...” is the analog voice’s response.
Most of the major characters in this don't belong to me. Topics and characters are based on &/or borrowed from:
Adams, Douglas. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. 1979
Bakshi, Ralph. Wizards. 1977
The Smiling Shadow. How it Should Always Be. 2005
'Porkshanks' VonFriedrich, Molly. The Chrono Corps. 2008
That said, I give you Chapter One of,
"The Further Adventures of Zaphod Beeblebrox"
Chapter 1.
Chapter 1.
Ah ... his favorite part; where he kisses the girl. Their lips reach hungrily for each other, when the screen fades to black. *Battery Low* appears across his vision, in large, unfriendly letters.
“Shazbot!” and then from the right, “Double shazbot!” One hand and then another reach up and remove a pair of VR goggles; first from one head, and then the other. While this went on, a third hand reaches out, to disengage the life support. Not that he needed life support. It’s just that using it just meant that he wouldn't have to emerge from his, “How it Should Always Be” simulation for unimportant things; such as eating or relieving himself.
The single eye of his right head, the other one being covered by an eye patch, with the assist of one hand; searches through the bottles to his right. Searching in vain for one that may have some booze still lingering about, and preferably some of that Romulan 'stuff'. The other head and the remaining two arms are themselves busy. They're riffling through boxes, also in vain, looking for more batteries. Frustrated at finding none of the things that he was seeking; Zaphod clumsily gets up. The process of this sends bottles and empty battery boxes, crashing to the floor.
“Computer!” he calls out.
“Hi there! This is Eddie ...” an analog voice responds.
“Can it!” he says, cutting off the overly chipper computerized voice. “Are there any more batteries on board?”
“Mr. Zaphod sir, the last time you asked me that, I told you that you were holding the last case.”
“No you didn't.” He replies, even though he can't remember if the ship said that or not.
“I'm quite sure I did sir.”
A door slides open, letting Zaphod out into a corridor, and closes behind him, with a satisfied hum. While the right head ponders how a door can seem satisfied, at opening and closing; the left one says, “Well then, warp factor 10, to the planet of batteries.”
“Ummm ...” Eddie replies.
“Now what?”
“Well ...” Eddie continues, “you see ... I don't know what warp factor 10 is and ...“
Zaphod interrupts again, “That means get moving at top speed.” The right head chimes in with, “Too the nearest planet that's likely to have a surplus of transportable power supplies.”
“Yeah,” responds the left head, “what he said.”
“We're so smart,” they say in unison, to each other, as they start walking down the corridor.
If a computer could sigh, then that's the sound Eddie makes, before saying, “Engaging probability drive, with a destination probability of 1,000,000 to one against getting to where you wanted.”
“Good. Now where's the booze to brighten up this trip?” Zaphod says, as the door to the bridge closes cheerily behind him.
“You don't want to know ...” is the analog voice’s response.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sleestak Attack!
Becca from:
Is a talented artist. You'll particularly love her work if you were a kid in the 60's 70's.
I bought her sketchbook & comic, which comes with a custom piece.
I got this great piece of my adventures in the Land of the Lost:
Please check out her blog and her art. Buy her stuff.
Is a talented artist. You'll particularly love her work if you were a kid in the 60's 70's.
I bought her sketchbook & comic, which comes with a custom piece.
I got this great piece of my adventures in the Land of the Lost:
Please check out her blog and her art. Buy her stuff.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Zaphod Invades Ætherstation (twitter tale)
This is a Twitter tale, taken from my Twitter page. I collected it in one spot, in order to make it easier to catch up on.
Sitting back, board, on theHMS airship Heart of Gold, I entered William Shatner's home phone number into the Improbability drive.
A short time later, the airship settles into orbit around Deep Ætherstation K7.
Eddie (the airship's on-board difference engine), with some "coaxing" informs me that, that's near someplace called Sherman's Planet.
A swishing sound followed by something resembling a satisfied sigh; the door to the bridge opens, & then closes.
W/O looking up from the ætherscope, I decide she must be done napping. Who else could it be? We're alone on this airship. Hello Lilly.
I hear her bare feet padding over, as make my decision. So, where've you taken us to now Zaphod?
Still keeping an eye on the screen; I look up at her; and all her red haired - voluptuous beauty. The faerrie wings are neat too.
We're here, I reply pointing at the screen; the other two hands reach out for her. Expecting the grab she jumps back bouncily out of reach.
Uh uh ... she scolds. Where are we? Getting up I respond, at a place that requires the dingy to get too. Three arms catch her then.
Once inside the barrel-like dingy; I put her down. Then get punched the shoulder. "No fair stepping out of time to grab me!" She scolds.
"I love my Chrono-Corp ring*", I say, whilst rubbing my shoulder. Hitting the launch button, we shoot off towards the æther-station.
This station, BTW, sort resembles a spinning cup & saucer, balanced on a walking stick; which also happens to be just hanging in the æther.
As Lilly and I float towards Station K7; out the window we spy a strange craft. "Zaphod? Is that a Constitution-class heavy cruiser?"
Looking at it then me, she responds, "Zaphod ... that's the ... the ... Enterprise. What's that doing here? Where are we?"
The head not busy staring out the window, turns "The Enterprise? How do you know about that? I brought you from a time & space w/o TV."
"Oh ... ummm ... I found a listing for æthertubes," Lilly replied, "in The Guide, and watched an episode there. Ahura was inspiring."
Drifting closer to the æther-station; we watch a door slowly slide open to allow Lilly and I, in our æther-dingy, to float in.
Floating into the landing bay, gravity suddenly notices us. The barrel-like æther-dingy; drops, bounces and rolls. We aren't strapped in.
Lilly and I bounce about like a pair of balls, in a bingo cage; until the dingy hits something soft. My faces do too ...
Decided to wait & make sure that the world won't spin off anymore but Lilly giggles & says that I can get off of her now. Begrudgingly I do.
Lilly sits up, and waits for me to do the gentlemanly & offer her a hand. I stand and ogle instead. http://yfrog.com/17ieyj
She slaps my calf, & gives me the 'stop staring at the décolletage & give me a hand' look. After I do, I then open the hatch, peering out.
Don't know how those, ape descents get by with only one head. They can only look at one thing at a time.
As opposed to I can watch the bay doors close with all of those giant gears, and see that we stopped the way we did, do to a large net.
On the other-side of the net, is an æther-station's version of a harbor master, accompanied by an armed guard,coming at us.
Décolletage is amazingly powerful. The æther-harbor master or whatever he is; was so busy checking Lilly out; that he just let us past him.
On an æther-station with aliens on it, it's a bit how Lilly and I catch some strange looks. http://yfrog.com/14u8qj
We find a clothing boutique aboard the æther-station K-7. She just has to get a new outfit. So, she hits the clothing synthesizer.
A few moments later, she emerges wearing a copy of the uniform worn by Ahura in the "Mirror, Mirror" episode of Star Trek.
She then strikes a "tada!" pose and asks what I think. Both my tongues hanging out, nearly to the floor, is my response.
While the right head continues ogling, the left one activates a function on my wrist computer. Moments later, I'm in evil Kirk's uniform.
After paying a lot, for Lilly's new outfit, using someone else's money (that's a different story) we head off to find a bar on this tub.
Finding a bar, that already has Enterprise crew members, and a few Klingons in it. I end up buying a "tribble" from Cyrano Jones for Lilly.
Getting bored of listening to Lilly make baby talk at her new pet. I approach this Klingon, named Korax. He hates tribbles it seems.
Hearing Korax complain bout tribbles & the Earthers, gets dull quickly. How do I exploit this Klingon's anger issues for my amusement?
Idea! I tell him he's a poof w/ a pair of tribbles betwix his legs. If I'm wrong he's to pick a fight w/ the Earthers & win. I'll buy then
That was easy. He gets up, & starts mouthing off. Once the swinging starts, I grab Lilly's arm and we split during the confusion.
Sitting back, board, on the
A short time later, the airship settles into orbit around Deep Ætherstation K7.
Eddie (the airship's on-board difference engine), with some "coaxing" informs me that, that's near someplace called Sherman's Planet.
A swishing sound followed by something resembling a satisfied sigh; the door to the bridge opens, & then closes.
W/O looking up from the ætherscope, I decide she must be done napping. Who else could it be? We're alone on this airship. Hello Lilly.
I hear her bare feet padding over, as make my decision. So, where've you taken us to now Zaphod?
Still keeping an eye on the screen; I look up at her; and all her red haired - voluptuous beauty. The faerrie wings are neat too.
We're here, I reply pointing at the screen; the other two hands reach out for her. Expecting the grab she jumps back bouncily out of reach.
Uh uh ... she scolds. Where are we? Getting up I respond, at a place that requires the dingy to get too. Three arms catch her then.
Once inside the barrel-like dingy; I put her down. Then get punched the shoulder. "No fair stepping out of time to grab me!" She scolds.
"I love my Chrono-Corp ring*", I say, whilst rubbing my shoulder. Hitting the launch button, we shoot off towards the æther-station.
This station, BTW, sort resembles a spinning cup & saucer, balanced on a walking stick; which also happens to be just hanging in the æther.
As Lilly and I float towards Station K7; out the window we spy a strange craft. "Zaphod? Is that a Constitution-class heavy cruiser?"
Looking at it then me, she responds, "Zaphod ... that's the ... the ... Enterprise. What's that doing here? Where are we?"
The head not busy staring out the window, turns "The Enterprise? How do you know about that? I brought you from a time & space w/o TV."
"Oh ... ummm ... I found a listing for æthertubes," Lilly replied, "in The Guide, and watched an episode there. Ahura was inspiring."
Drifting closer to the æther-station; we watch a door slowly slide open to allow Lilly and I, in our æther-dingy, to float in.
Floating into the landing bay, gravity suddenly notices us. The barrel-like æther-dingy; drops, bounces and rolls. We aren't strapped in.
Lilly and I bounce about like a pair of balls, in a bingo cage; until the dingy hits something soft. My faces do too ...
Decided to wait & make sure that the world won't spin off anymore but Lilly giggles & says that I can get off of her now. Begrudgingly I do.
Lilly sits up, and waits for me to do the gentlemanly & offer her a hand. I stand and ogle instead. http://yfrog.com/17ieyj
She slaps my calf, & gives me the 'stop staring at the décolletage & give me a hand' look. After I do, I then open the hatch, peering out.
Don't know how those, ape descents get by with only one head. They can only look at one thing at a time.
As opposed to I can watch the bay doors close with all of those giant gears, and see that we stopped the way we did, do to a large net.
On the other-side of the net, is an æther-station's version of a harbor master, accompanied by an armed guard,coming at us.
Décolletage is amazingly powerful. The æther-harbor master or whatever he is; was so busy checking Lilly out; that he just let us past him.
On an æther-station with aliens on it, it's a bit how Lilly and I catch some strange looks. http://yfrog.com/14u8qj
We find a clothing boutique aboard the æther-station K-7. She just has to get a new outfit. So, she hits the clothing synthesizer.
A few moments later, she emerges wearing a copy of the uniform worn by Ahura in the "Mirror, Mirror" episode of Star Trek.
She then strikes a "tada!" pose and asks what I think. Both my tongues hanging out, nearly to the floor, is my response.
While the right head continues ogling, the left one activates a function on my wrist computer. Moments later, I'm in evil Kirk's uniform.
After paying a lot, for Lilly's new outfit, using someone else's money (that's a different story) we head off to find a bar on this tub.
Finding a bar, that already has Enterprise crew members, and a few Klingons in it. I end up buying a "tribble" from Cyrano Jones for Lilly.
Getting bored of listening to Lilly make baby talk at her new pet. I approach this Klingon, named Korax. He hates tribbles it seems.
Hearing Korax complain bout tribbles & the Earthers, gets dull quickly. How do I exploit this Klingon's anger issues for my amusement?
Idea! I tell him he's a poof w/ a pair of tribbles betwix his legs. If I'm wrong he's to pick a fight w/ the Earthers & win. I'll buy then
That was easy. He gets up, & starts mouthing off. Once the swinging starts, I grab Lilly's arm and we split during the confusion.
Comments greatly appreciated ...
*Author's note: I own Chrono-Corp ring #42
Friday, August 14, 2009
Captain Spectre!
I've become a Lightning Legionnaire have you?
Captain Spectre is an awesome DieselPunk concept and story line. Please, be sure to check it out, you will NOT be disappointed.
A great interview with the creater Tom Floyd, can be found here.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Temporal Tuesday
#TemporalTues
Adventure Interruptus: Back In Bakshi Universe on Gemini Earth. Lilly and Zaphod had only just met, a few minutes ago; with Lilly having clubbed Zaphod's would be assassin, with stun mace. Zaphod had searched the Beteleguesian assassin (he knew the assassin was Betelguesian, as he had two heads, just like Zaphod. That, and the assassin said that all of Betelguese would thank him for killing Zaphod), looking for a flask; cause he still really needed a drink.
No flask was too be found, but, Zaphod did find a bunch of electronic doodads, as well as an atomic disintegrator. He kept them anyway, the disintegrator could help him get a drink someplace else.
They were currently in a discussion, on the gang-plank of theHMS Heart of Gold (it had improbably changed into an airship, upon arriving on this world). He wanted to show her his rocketship, and she wanted him to join her cause to save the world.
When suddenly the greatest earthquake ever known
High on the hilltop It struck their tiny craft (insert screams here)
And plunged them down a thousand feet below
To the Land of the Lost
To the Land of the Lost
To the Land of the Lost
Adventure Interruptus: Back In Bakshi Universe on Gemini Earth. Lilly and Zaphod had only just met, a few minutes ago; with Lilly having clubbed Zaphod's would be assassin, with stun mace. Zaphod had searched the Beteleguesian assassin (he knew the assassin was Betelguesian, as he had two heads, just like Zaphod. That, and the assassin said that all of Betelguese would thank him for killing Zaphod), looking for a flask; cause he still really needed a drink.
No flask was too be found, but, Zaphod did find a bunch of electronic doodads, as well as an atomic disintegrator. He kept them anyway, the disintegrator could help him get a drink someplace else.
They were currently in a discussion, on the gang-plank of the
When suddenly the greatest earthquake ever known
High on the hilltop It struck their tiny craft (insert screams here)
And plunged them down a thousand feet below
To the Land of the Lost
To the Land of the Lost
To the Land of the Lost
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